Free to be a single mum, tired and happy

Leslie is a happy young mother of a 16-month-old girl and a theatre enthusiast. Describing herself as creative, tired and happy, she wanted to take part in the ‘Free to be you’ campaign out of pure ‘curiosity’ and to discover a new experience.

For Leslie, being free to be yourself means ‘getting rid of constraints’ and injunctions, whether societal or self-imposed. She describes motherhood as a ‘world of guilt’, where you feel constantly judged. Her freedom translates into the right to be ‘panicked’ or ‘helpless’ in the face of the unexpected, especially since she has been a single mother (the father left her a month and a half after her daughter was born).

Injunctions and the battle against gender codes

Leslie admits that she is not completely free in her daily life, as she puts pressure on herself to be the mother she wants to be for her daughter. She sometimes has to hide her fatigue or anger – she, who is not ‘a very patient person’ – in order to be a caring figure. She is discovering a new side to herself that she wants to pass on to her daughter, so that she learns to have enough confidence in herself to ‘not be subjected to injunctions’.

What she demands as a woman is the ‘opportunity to be whatever you want to be’, beyond the gender codes that exasperate her. She wants her daughter to know that it is possible to be a lorry driver, a footballer, very feminine or very masculine. She was happy to have a daughter because she finds it ‘easier to build a girl than to deconstruct a boy’ in the face of stereotypes.

Injunctions and the battle against gender codes

Leslie admits that she is not completely free in her daily life, as she puts pressure on herself to be the mother she wants to be for her daughter. She sometimes has to hide her fatigue or anger – she, who is not ‘a very patient person’ – in order to be a caring figure. She is discovering a new side to herself that she wants to pass on to her daughter, so that she learns to have enough confidence in herself to ‘not be subjected to injunctions’.

What she demands as a woman is the ‘opportunity to be whatever you want to be’, beyond the gender codes that exasperate her. She wants her daughter to know that it is possible to be a lorry driver, a footballer, very feminine or very masculine. She was happy to have a daughter because she finds it ‘easier to build a girl than to deconstruct a boy’ in the face of stereotypes.

A disconnected body and letting go

Motherhood ‘changed everything’ in her relationship with her body. Leslie struggled to connect with her body during pregnancy because she had no symptoms and her bump didn't show early on. She even took a ‘harsh’ view of her body, which wasn't functioning as she expected it to.

After giving birth, her body remained ‘very disconnected’. Following her separation and weight loss, she was unable to breastfeed and suffered from repeated mastitis. She felt frustrated that her body, which had produced a ‘super baby’, was then ‘failing’ her.

Although she was very well prepared thanks to discussions with midwives and other mothers, the only thing she lacked was the ability to let go in the face of the unexpected challenges of motherhood.

Theatre as a means of building confidence

Leslie reveals that she has ‘no’ self-confidence, having been a shy teenager who constantly sought to conform. Her tool for ‘building’ herself up is theatre. By playing characters who are extremely self-assured, she simulates a confidence that she lacks in real life.

Today, she does not place much importance on her appearance, except for practical reasons: to look ‘presentable’ at the nursery and not to ‘sink’ into the sole role of a teleworking mother.

She manages other people's perceptions by taking care of herself so as ‘not to let herself down’, a balance that makes her happy without becoming too restrictive. What helps her stay true to herself is her daughter, to whom she wants to pass on her values.

Her ultimate message to ‘younger Leslie’ is reassuring: "Everything will be fine. ‘ And to women who lack confidence, she advises: ’What matters is you.‘ You have to be aligned and in tune with who you are to feel good, because ’you are freed from the gaze of others because you have nothing to be ashamed of in how you behave.'

Although she was very well prepared thanks to discussions with midwives and other mothers, the only thing she lacked was the ability to let go in the face of the unexpected nature of motherhood.

Free to be a single mum, tired and happy

'What matters is you'